How can you be a better partner to her, even if you're short on time?
Time is precious in a relationship-- especially when you know you could be doing better but aren’t quite sure how to improve things with the limited time you have available to invest in making your wife feel understood, appreciated, respected, and loved.
Here are 10 quick ideas from Mr. Cubic Zirconia to help you become a better husband in 30 minutes or less.
Fill a notebook with little ideas she’ll love.
If you’re wanting to do something once a day, once a week or once a month that’ll wow your partner...it helps to have a place to jot down ideas as they come to you.
You could stop what you're doing and immediately make restaurant reservations for where you want to have a date night-- as soon as the idea enters your noggin.
Or you could trust your system.
As you go about your routine, whenever you think of something just jot down that idea for what might bring a smile to her face.
Could be a gift idea for something she shows interest in while out and about.
A house fix-it project she mentions wanting to get done.
An errand that’s been on her list for a while and you can just take care of it for her.
A place you know she’d love to have a couples vacation one day and you can take the lead in planning it all when the budget allows.
Don't have many ideas of that sort on a weekly basis? Take some time to read our blog posts (save as a bookmark on your phone’s web browser?) and take notes on what comes to mind while reading:
Personally, I use a smartphone app called Evernote to jot these kinds ideas down. It costs around $25 USD per year if I recall correctly (ASIDE: also a cool way to snap searchable pictures of other things I want to remember).
You can go the free route and keep a written notebook or use the digital recorder on your smartphone maybe. The idea capture system you choose doesn't matter so much as that you have one. The point is to capture the concept when it's fresh, and don't let it get lost before you forget.
Then, just revert back to the list from time to time to DO one of those things you're sure will help her feel more special.
Maybe it'll take more than 30 minutes to do some of the 'Make the Mrs. happy' stuff on your list, but all those seconds and minutes throughout your month you invested to jot down ideas as they came to you didn't add up to more than half an hour.
Keep an eye out for relationship rashes
You know how a rash gets formed on your body, right?
Usually it's when the skin comes into contact with an allergen it doesn't like-- or a repeated friction that doesn't feel to good.
The result can be wet or dry, painful or just irritating, red and inflamed and damned uncomfortable.
Sometimes there was no avoiding the insect sting that caused a rash, but when you wear tight pants and run to catch a bus on the same day you ran out of clean underwear, that awful, rubbed-raw feeling between your thighs the next day is pretty much your fault, brother. Come on, you knew well enough to know what could happen when you sweat too much in that area without dry protection.
Relationships can get rashes, too.
And most of what rubs you and her the wrong damn way for longer than is comfortable can be seen coming from a mile away. And in a lot of cases, all that's required is a short conversation, an acknowledgement, an expressed desire to understand or to improve something that's irritating one or both of you.
If you don't do anything about the issue, you deserve the painful, cracked and blistered feeling that results in a giant relationship rash between you and your lady love.
Empathize first, don't apologize; and try to solve what she’s mad about later.
An apology where you accept the blame for what’s wrong isn’t the same as commiserating with someone. Don't confuse the two.
I recommend that instead of trying to fix stuff, or worse saying "I'm sorry" when someone is mad about something-- especially when you know you had little to nothing to do with what's given them the she-Hulk face-- you choose to empathize first. Just listen and hear her out.
When she’s mad, irritable or annoyed by something she's not in a headspace to hear anyone's suggestions on how to fix things anyway. And too much use of the words "I'm sorry" will convince even a reasonable person that you probably have something to be sorry about.
Listen and nod if need be for a half hour, just like a sitcom caricature husband. I'm serious. Maybe she just needs to vent. Come back and discuss any ideas you may have to “solve” a problem the next day-- if she still seems interested in talking about the issue.
If you're both listening to empathize and trying to give advice at once, it's like driving with the brakes on. You're not going anywhere, brother.
If you find yourself constantly lecturing your partner on how she can solve that problem that’s bugging her, turn off your fixer mentality while listening.
Don't even think about offering solutions before you’ve said something like: “That really stinks, honey. I sure wish that hadn't happened.”
Create an ongoing dream discussion
You might only have 30 minutes at a time, but it doesn’t mean you have to watch television or scroll endlessly on social media-- while your partner does the same on another device in the same damn room.
The both of you have dreams together.
It could be a special travel plan.
Or a business you’ve considered starting.
A house you hope one day to build together.
Something you want to do with or for the kids that requires a lot of thinking and coordination before you can make it happen.
Make talking about making that dream a reality an ongoing dream discussion-- and you can not only make that dream come closer day by day, week by week as the two of you make related decisions and cross actions off your list-- but Mrs. Cubic Zirconia and I are living proof you can do some pretty big things in 30 minute blocks of talking, dreaming and working together.
FWIW, we planned our “one day” custom home build this way.
Travel to dozens of different international places.
Stuff we wanted to change for better at work.
And every one of our big moves.
Look for opportunities to quickly show her you love her in her own love language
30 minutes isn’t a lot of time for a partner who values “quality time” as her love language.
But it’s plenty to show a woman you love her if she’s more attuned to acts of service, physical affection, words of affirmation, or gift giving (luckily gift language lovers love ANY gift and are emotionally moved by even the smallest gift: a hand-drawn card, a single picked flower or a quick pick-up of her favorite candy bar or chip dip at the convenience store).
Not familiar with the different love languages? Read our blog post about the book "5 Love languages" when you have a few minutes. In short: A love language is the 'better-than-saying-"I love you"-method' to really communicate love to another person in a way that he or she will understand.
Think reading a book is too much effort? Sorry stud but if so, you'll never realize that telling her "I love you" isn't enough...nor how 80% of the nice things you do and say to her have way less impact than you think they do or should-- and why, despite a good effort at being a decent husband, she just ain't feeling it.
Regularly ask the “The Big Scary Question"
There’s a BIG SCARY question many (maybe most) couples are afraid to ask.
But it’s probably the most important question two committed individuals CAN ask each other.
“Are you happy with the life we’ve built together?"
The Big Scary Question requires a couple to reflect on their current life circumstances, how they got where they are today and if they like the place they are and the direction they're moving as a couple in each of a number of important areas of the relationship (home, finances, family, kids, sex, etc)
The ensuing conversations after asking this question are what helps a committed couple set priorities for their life together-- and recalibrate if things have gotten stuck, off track, or too complicated.
Accept the challenge to improve over time (because she deserves that)
Cue the Frozen soundtrack, for those of you who also became parents during the popular hey-day of sisters Anna and Elsa.
Remember that song “So he's a bit of a fixer-upper" the trolls sang about character Kristoff and his suitability to date the queen's sister Anna?
I think of that song when I think of how women love to improve a man.
Embrace your fixer-upperness, dude.
Give a woman a perfect guy and frankly, in my humble opinion she'd be bored to tears. Besides, there's probably no such thing in relationships as someone who is perfect-- but there probably is someone "perfect for you."
Do what you're supposed to every day for 40 years and she may or may not really even notice. But when you show a willingness to be dependable in some important things AND quit this bad habit and improve that thing you know irks her about you...damn, it's a potent combination.
Hell, a third of our company's revenue is due to men solving that thing that irks her about him after too many months and years together: that despite the relationship, as the baby troll says about Anna's naked finger: "I don't see no ring".
Blatant plug for high-quality cubic zirconia engagement rings that look like flawless diamonds (all the sparkle for a fraction of the price)
That's it for today, cubic crew.
Be well.
-- Mr. Cubic Zirconia
